Everyone I know and even people I don’t know ask me how I’m doing. These words are a great conversation starter or ice breaker. The question that comes to mind when I hear one person ask another “How are You?” is “Do you really mean it, or are you just being polite?” Do you ever wonder when people ask YOU how you are if they really care or are they just making conversation?
Asking a person how they are has turned into a means to engage someone in conversation. If we ask a friend how he or she is, we don’t really expect that he or she will tell us the details about how he or she feels. Actually, if he or she does, we act as if time is of the essence, or we change the subject. Why is this?
Our lives are so fast paced. Most of the time, when I do see friends at the grocery store or at Wal-Mart, they don’t have time to talk. Last week, I saw my insurance agent at Wal-Mart. She was shopping with her husband. We had not seen each other for months. She asked me, “How are you doing? You look great!” As I started to explain that I had both of my knees replaced and I had been out of commission for six months, she started to fidget, standing on the right foot then the left. I went on to tell her what a difficult time I had. She looked at her watch, told me she was glad I looked better, and walked on.
My friend is a fairly close one; however, when she asked me how I was, the answer she was looking for was, “I’m doing great, how are you?” She really didn’t want to know how I was actually feeling. For some reason, we don’t really want to know about our friends’ problems. Is it because we don’t have time to help them or do we just not want to get involved?
Have you ever tried to explain this type of situation to your children? When children are young, you want them to care about people. You teach them to respect others, to listen to them, and to do what they can to help not just friends, but others as well.
For the most part, children learn that they should only help people they know. Our society is such that strangers can be dangerous. Strangers can hurt them. We are overprotective because we don’t want our children to be hurt by someone they don’t know. What happens when we have a child that does not know how to adapt to the superficiality of society? When children come across this superficiality, we can help them understand it and deal with it, only if they come to us for guidance. If they don’t, they have to learn on their own, sometimes the hard way.
This is a very hard concept to teach our children because it is difficult to understand ourselves. Children learn these lessons quickly when they deal with their friends and others. Unfortunately, some children grow to adulthood believing that people don’t care. So many children grow up believing that their parents, friends, neighbors, even their spouses don’t care about them.
If only we could make changes to a society that appears rushed and superficial. Why don’t we start with ourselves? When we ask someone how they are, stand there and listen to him or her. Let that person know that you really and truly care how he or she is doing. Listen when he or she tells you about feelings of depression or pain. If this person wants help, help them any way you can, but don’t walk away. Don’t let your friend think that you don’t care.
Conversely, if a friend constantly tells you about being depressed or in pain, don’t let that person get into your head. Tell the person, nicely of course, that you can’t help them. Tell him or her to get help from a professional. If they don’t get help, then you are off the hook. But don’t turn your head and walk by someone in haste because you don’t really want to know how he or she is actually feeling.
The moral is that we may not be able to change society; but we can change, one person at a time. When you ask someone how they are, take the time to find out. Let your friend know that you really care. Don’t let him or her walk away feeling alone. Let him or her know you care. Maybe, your friend will do the same for someone else. Then there will be two people who care, and so on.
God bless you all today and everyday. I will always listen if you want to tell me how you are.
